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The Von Haessler Doctrine

9am - 12pm

Eric Von Haessler

The Von Haessler Doctrine

The steadfast Libertarian with an open mind, Atlanta radio listeners have been tuning in to hear the commentary and humor of Eric Von Haessler for nearly 20 years. "Think of 'The Von Haessler Doctrine' as The World According to Eric”, says Eric.

The Von Haessler Doctrine S7/E017 - Lovable Sicko

Topics: Join Eric and the Doctrinaires as they chat about the Loeffler Follies, future appropriation, Woodruff WiFi, and much more!
Posted: January 28, 2020

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The Von Haessler Doctrine S7/E016 - Autumn Abuse

Topics: Join Eric and the Doctrinaires as they chat about Kobe Bryant, Coronavirus, incompleteness, and much more!
Posted: January 27, 2020

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The Von Haessler Doctrine S7/E015 - Rocket Truck

Topics: Join Eric and the Doctrinaires as they chat about highway fires, Trae Young's All Star bid, the eternal now, and much more! ***Our sister podcasts 'Radio Labyrinth', 'The Power Pod,' and 'One Topic' all have new episodes available.***
Posted: January 24, 2020

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More audio replays

The Doctrine Daily Doodles by Tim Andrews
Tim Andrews doodles during the show everyday. Here is the end result of his efforts. Click the image to see more. 
The Host
Atlanta radio listeners have been tuning in to hear the commentary and humor of Eric Von Haessler for nearly 20 years. He co-founded 'The Regular Guys' show in Los Angeles in 1995 before bringing that show to the ATL and 96 Rock in 1998. 'The Regular Guys' show quickly became a ratings juggernaut and genuine Atlanta radio institution.  After running afoul of the FCC and political correctness one too many times the show left 96 Rock and was revived on Rock 100.5 from 2008 to 2013. Through it all Haessler continued to please audiences as the steadfast Libertarian with an open mind, and the driver of the daily 'News Jog' segment. Eric was—by his own account—the worst stand-up comedian of the roaring 80’s. He began his radio career by producing a Top 40 morning show in the early 90's in Western N.Y. and quickly knew he had found a home for his talents. Radio hasn't been able to get rid of him since. Now Eric is on-air with ‘The Von Haessler Doctrine’, live on News 95.5 and AM 750 WSB. He also creates three shows per week (The Digital Doctrine) that are available only on the WSB Radio app. Von Haessler:  'After leaving The Regular Guys in 2013, I wanted to be smart about choosing my next radio show. I didn't want to do anything without creative control. I've seen too many friends leave a successful show and disappoint themselves and their fans by jumping on to somebody else's idea of good radio. WSB is obviously the best radio station in town and it's just my good fortune that they trust me to do the show I want to do.” 'Think of 'The Von Haessler Doctrine' as -The World According to Eric”, says Von Haessler, “I'm sick and tired of self-righteous people yelling past one another and calling it political debate. I've had enough of political tribes that continually look to undermine one another and call it good governance. It's time to start acting like adults again. Enough of the whining and moaning. It's time to get back to work. It's time to build. That's 'The Von Haessler Doctrine.'' 'In some ways I think of it as a comedy show that tackles serious issues. That can get a bit messy at times… but why not get messy? It's fun!'  - Eric Von Haessler. Email the show at vonhaesslerdoctrine@wsbradio.com.

The EVH Bit Machine

Von Haessler Doctrine Special Features

Hear bits that Eric and the Doctrinaires played on previous shows!

Schooner Tunes (Parody)

Topics: Demented Don and the Donald's have a new compilation anthology of parodies. Your favorite "Yacht Rock" hits of the 70s and 80s.
Posted: October 11, 2019

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AOC Records Presents: Greta Thunburg (Parody)

Topics: Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez reveals her latest record label hit!
Posted: October 01, 2019

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I Fired The Walrus (Parody)

Topics: Demented Don and the Donald's latest remake of a Beatles classic!
Posted: September 11, 2019

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THE DOCTRINAIRES

Jared Yamamoto is the Lead Researcher/Producer for the fastest growing radio show in America, The Von Haessler Doctrine on News 95.5 and AM750 WSB in Atlanta, Georgia. He graduated from the University of West Georgia with a degree in Mass Communications, minoring in Political Science. Jared began his professional radio career in Atlanta at iHeart Radio’s 640 WGST as an Associate Producer for the Rob and Dave Show. Jared then moved to Cox Media Group’s WSB Radio in the fall of 2012 and quickly became the Producer of Atlanta’s Evening News with Erick Erickson. While working at WSB, Jared also produced 2012 U.S. presidential candidate Herman Cain’s nationally syndicated radio show. Jared is a mainstay at WSB and is plugged in with today’s politics, policies and current events and is happy to share them with you. You can hear Jared daily on WSB with the entire gang from 9-11 in the morning.
Autumn met Eric Von Haessler, and her fellow Doctrinaires, while interning for The Regular Guys Show. Eventually, being the friendly hard worker she is, she started working for the promotions department and soon started doing some local and national commercial spots and jingles. She was also given the opportunity to have a radio show with the prestigious time slot of 2am-6am. Autumn worked with Eric on various projects before returning to college to earn her bachelor's degree in Linguistics, concentrating on teaching English as a second language and learning American Sign Language. These skills are proving to be very helpful for her career in radio. After teaching for a year or two, Eric offered her a spot on his podcast which did pretty well, as far as podcasts go, catching the attention of WSB radio. I'm sure Eric's many years in radio had nothing to do with it. Autumn has listened to WSB since she was in Kindergarten. She literally used to have WSB set as the station to wake her up in the morning to go to school. They used to have a 'typical' type of morning radio show. Did you know that? Autumn did...(when she was five). Autumn couldn't be more proud to be a part of a radio station that has made such an impact on her life and in Atlanta radio.
Tim Andrews began his radio career in 1989 working for WNBT-FM in Wellsboro Pennsylvania. After that he moved onto country radio doing “The Cooking Country” show on WQIX-FM in Elmira, NY. Tim moved to Atlanta in 1996 where he got a job with the late Z-93 and eventually made his way to 96 rock where he joined Eric Von Haessler as a producer for The Regular Guys Show. In 2015 Tim left radio to work for Ammazza Pizza in Atlanta. Eric enticed Tim back to radio with promises of laughter, fun, hard work, and the chance to hang out with English Nick. When he's not working Tim likes to have fun with his two dogs cat and lovely girlfriend. He likes comedy, animation, pop-culture, being a fly in the political ointment, and spending way too much time on the Internet. Tim is available for birthday parties or any voiceover need you may have and also hosts a podcast of his own called Radio Labyrinth. Most importantly, Tim loves you!
English Nick has been on Rock Radio in Atlanta since 1999 starting and worked with Eric Von Haessller for the first time during their time together at WKLS 96 Rock. Eric and Nick remained friends ever since and now are so excited to be working together on News 95.5/750 AM WSB. Nick’s is still “talking up the records” as Eric calls it on 97.1 The River 7pm to midnight Monday through Friday. He also is a co owner of Dr Bombay’s tea shop in Candler Park! Nick presents “Outrage Corner” every week on the Von Haessller Doctrine so if you've got some outrage to share, get it to him.
It took Greg three months to write his bio, putting it off by claiming to be busy, though he never really gave any insight into what that meant. When he finally did send something, this is what it read: 'You want to know more about me? Why? What does it matter? Does anyone really care? Just writing about myself and putting it out there as if people are interested is self-serving. People will probably read it and think, 'This guy is a jerk to think I have any regard to his existence.' So, I'd rather not make that assumption. If someone really wants to know more, they can email me. I'll gladly respond to them. When I'm not busy.' After several requests for something a bit more in-depth (most of which were ignored), we received this at 3:37 one morning: 'Okay. I'll write about my radio experience, hopefully quelling any idea I'm a complete fraud. ''I started as an intern for the Regular Guys in January of 2001. It was there I formed a friendship with Eric, though that was quite an uphill battle, as Eric was initially cold and excluding. Maybe it was the backwards baseball hat and ball bearing necklace I would wear at the time. If I saw a guy like that, I would've been cold and excluding too. Eventually I won him over by fooling him into thinking I was funny and smart. ''While interning, the company that owned 96Rock launched a small alternative rock station - 96.7 The Buzz. Being a cheap corporation, they didn't want to hire any real talent, assuming they could get kids around the station to fill out the on-air roster for low pay and promotional items. They were right. I put together a demo and once again I fooled someone into thinking I was funny and smart. Dekker was born. 'Dekker' was the fake name I had to use on the air, as my real name wasn't 'edgy' enough to be a rock 'n' roll DJ. I hated the name Dekker. ''After a few years, I made the jump to 99X, where someone thought I was funny and smart, offering me the night shift. This was the big time. I was ready. I brought my 'A' game. It was going well, until the station was sold and new ownership thought I was too funny and too smart. I was taken off the air for being too creative. Their words, not mine. ''Realizing I was pretty good at tricking people into thinking I was funny and smart, I moved to New York. The next victim of my misrepresentation was WRXP, a new rock station that had launched in the city. It was fine. I was a weekend and fill-in jock. I got to use my real name on the air. The station's transmitter was on top of the Empire State Building, which meant my voice emitted from up there, which I thought was pretty cool. The station was eventually sold and the format was flipped, so we all lost our jobs. Think about that: A whole staff cut because some crazy man convinced a group of well-to-do people who wanted more money that he could deliver that to them if they invested in a news station with an entertainment tilt. Ultimately, the joke was on him, as the station miserably failed. I appreciated his ability to fool others on such a large scale, though. ''Afterward, disenchanted with the industry, I got into video production. I still do that. But Eric pulled me back into radio, and I'm glad he did. It helped me realize that I might actually be funny and smart. Maybe.'
Eric calls me the Pilot of The Von Haessler Doctrine, I make sure they get the show off the ground at 9am and land safely at 12pm. Working on my 22nd year at WSB. In radio 30 years.  Married 25 years. S. Air Force veteran. 34 year old daughter, Sarah won the Mrs. Nebraska America title in 2017. Most enjoyable hobby is powerlifting, helps me carry more guns and ammo. I’m Erick’s go-to source of info for weaponry questions.

The 24/7 Doctrine





News

  • Florida's St. Augustine Police Department said they are searching for the suspect who robbed a group of children at gunpoint at a popular park. The robbery happened at Project Swing park on Saturday around 9:30 p.m. Several signs at the park read, “For your safety, park is closed from dusk to dawn.” According to the report, the victims, whose ages are redacted, were sitting at the tables in the middle of the park when a man approached them and demanded money. In the report, one of the victims said the suspect pointed the gun into his chest when he told him he didn’t have any money. Police said the man took $16 from one of the victims before he tried to grab a backpack from the other. The victims told investigators when the suspect tried to take the backpack, they ran towards the parking garage for help. Detectives said the suspect took off running in the opposite direction toward Ketterlinus gym. By the time police responded, the suspect was gone. Investigators said they found a bag believed to belong to the suspect near the tennis courts next to the park. It was sent to the lab for DNA testing. Anyone with information on the suspect is encouraged to call the police department.
  • A 77-year-old man was punched in the face as he walked into a grocery store in Gwinnett County, Georgia, and now police are looking for the person responsible. It happened at the Kroger on Braselton Highway, and it all started in the fire lane in front of the store. It happened at the Kroger on Braselton Highway, and it all started in the fire lane in front of the store. The victim, who did not want to be identified by name, said on Jan. 23 around 4:30 p.m. he pulled up, saw someone parked there, and on his way inside the store, he said, “You're not supposed to park here.” Police said surveillance video shows a woman, who was in the parked car in the fire lane outside, go in the store, walk up to the victim and say something. Officials said a man who was with her then assaulted the 77-year-old man. “And the next thing I know, this jerk comes around and just cold-cocks me right flat on the floor,” the victim said. Witnesses told police they couldn’t believe it happened. The suspect took off and police are still looking for him now. There’s video of the assault that Kroger cameras recorded, but investigators said they’re not releasing it yet because the case is still open. “I had no idea he was even in the place until he came round in front and punched me,” the victim said. The incident is a reminder to shoppers that you may want to tell police when someone is doing something illegal instead of saying something to that person. You never know what they are going to do.
  • A bill sponsored by Utah Rep. Karianne Lisonbee, would restrict people from purchasing a hunting license if they aren’t up to date on child support payments. The “Fishing and Hunting Restrictions for Nonpayment of Child Support” House bill would prohibit “the issuance of a license, permit, or tag related to fishing or hunting if an individual is delinquent in child support.” According to KUTV, the bill would affect anyone who owes more than $2,500 in child support. Once a person is no longer behind on their child support payments, they can obtain a hunting license. If the bill passes, it will go into effect in the summer of 2021.
  •  For the first time, NBA superstar Shaquille O’Neal opened up about the death of his former teammate and friend, Kobe Bryant. Bryant, his daughter 13-year-old daughter Gianna, and seven others were killed Sunday when the helicopter they were traveling in crashed in Calabasas, California. O’Neal’s comments came at the start of TNT’s pregame show, as he sat on the court at Staples Center along with the rest of the network’s studio team. TNT was supposed to televise a doubleheader, but the NBA canceled the Lakers-Clippers game that was scheduled to be the nightcap because the Lakers organization is still too devastated after the death of Bryant and his daughter. I haven’t felt a pain that sharp in a while,” O’Neal said. Shaq said he was working out with his son and nephew, when another nephew walked into the room crying and showed him the phone. “I snapped at him,” O’Neal said. “I said, ‘Get that out of my face.'” O’Neal said he thought it was a hoax at first, and then he started getting phone calls from friends and other fellow basketball players. “Forty-seven years old, I’ve lost two grandmothers … lost my sister. And now I’ve lost my little brother,' O’Neal said. O'Neal and Bryant teamed to help the Lakers win three straight championships from 2000-02, but they occasionally feuded and O'Neal was traded to Miami in 2004. He would win another title there, while Bryant would win two more with the Lakers. O’Neal said his heart broke even more when he learned who else was on the chopper. “It’s sort of like a triple stabbing to the heart because after you cry and wonder about that, then I get back on the internet – Rick Fox is on the (helicopter). So now, I’m sick even more,” O’Neal said. “And then the final blow, his lovely daughter was with him on the helicopter.” They eventually patched up their relationship and O'Neal said they texted frequently, though he said he hadn't actually seen Bryant since the final day of his career in 2016. O'Neal said he told Bryant to score 50 points and Bryant instead scored 60. O’Neal said Bryant even checked in with his son Shareef, who underwent heart surgery in December 2018. “Shareef called me, devastated, and said Kobe just texted me to check and see how he was doing. And he used to do that from time to time,” O’Neal said. O’Neal said this year’s NBA Hall of Fame induction ceremony will be a solemn event. “The fact that we’re not going to be able to joke at his Hall of Fame ceremony. The fact that we’re not going to be able to say, ‘Ha, Ha. I got five. You got four.’ The fact that we’re not going to be able to say, ‘If we had stayed together to get 10,’ those are the things we can’t get back,” O’Neal said. O'Neal's comments were his first that were televised since Bryant's death. He had previously only posted on social media and spoken on a podcast. The Associated Press contributed to this story.
  • Last week, the head of a Chinese government expert team said that human-to-human transmission has been confirmed in the Wuhan coronavirus outbreak. On Monday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommended that people avoid travel to China. Here are some tips for travelers who may be making their way to or from China or other destinations:  Check the CDC website for updates on the outbreak The CDC has a dedicated page that is kept up to date with travel information to China, impacted transportation in China and status of medical care in the country. Maintain good personal hygiene According to The New York Times, passengers should avoid touching their faces and practice proper coughing etiquette, such as coughing or sneezing into an arm instead of your hands or the environment. The CDC recommends washing hands for at least 20 seconds. An alcohol-based hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol can be used when soap is not available. The Times also reminded travelers that seatbacks and tray tables are wiped down by ground crews, but cleaning them again with a disinfecting wipe is recommended. Lastly, try to keep a safe distance from anyone who appears to be ill. If you are seated next to someone who may be ill, you can ask a flight attendant to reseat you. Please note that they may not be able to accommodate the request. Do I need a mask while traveling? Dr. William Schaffner, a professor of medicine in Vanderbilt University’s division of infectious diseases, told CNN that the benefit of masks may be impractical. “The scientific basis showing that people in the community wearing masks actually has any benefit is very thin and questionable,” Shaffner told CNN. Schaffner also told CNN that U.S. travelers who are traveling only within the United States should not be as concerned about the virus. Other noteworthy tips Henry Harteveldt, of Atmosphere Research, told USA Today that travelers should consider keeping air vents open above the seat to improve ventilation but also noted that he aims them away from his body. USA Today also suggested bringing tissues with you to use to avoid touching door handles when you use the bathrooms on flights. Book a window seat. A study published in 2018 concluded that the window seat is more likely to keep a passenger away from people who might be sick because it is furthest from the aisle where more people move through the cabin. What are other countries doing in response to the outbreak? Many countries are checking the temperatures of arriving airline passengers and adopting precautionary quarantine procedures in response to a new virus. India, Nigeria, Japan and the United States are some of the countries where airport screening procedures were in place. Below are some of the public health measures in multiple countries intended to prevent a repeat of the 2002-2003 outbreak of SARS, which started in China and killed nearly 800 people (Source:The Associated Press, Jan. 21, 2020) MAINLAND CHINA China’s often-secretive Communist government was blamed for making SARS far worse by initially hiding information and blocking the work of the World Health Organization. This time, leader Xi Jinping has called for tough measures and said “party committees, governments and relevant departments at all levels should put people’s lives and health first.” At the airport in Wuhan, the temperatures of departing passengers were checked and outbound tour groups were banned from leaving the city. Virtually everyone in a public role, from traffic police officers to bank tellers, is wearing a protective face mask. JAPAN Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe urged officials to step up quarantine checks at airports and other entry points, and Japan will require visitors arriving from Wuhan to fill in health forms. HONG KONG The semiautonomous city is one of the most popular destinations for mainland Chinese. It has stepped up surveillance and ordered more cleaning and disinfecting for planes and trains from Wuhan, as well as for train stations and the airport. Acting Chief Executive Matthew Cheung said authorities are ready for a worst-case scenario and are on extremely high alert. A lack of information and low levels of vigilance were blamed for Hong Kong becoming the second-hardest hit area by SARS after mainland China in the early 2000s. As in much of mainland China, Hong Kong residents favor traditional markets where live poultry and other animals are sold. The government advises people against visiting such markets or touching animals or their droppings. SOUTH KOREA South Korea reported its first case of the virus in mid-January, in a Chinese woman who works at a South Korean company. At Incheon International Airport near Seoul, the only airport in South Korea with direct flights from Wuhan, two special gates are designated for passengers from the city and ear thermometers are used to check their temperatures. Arrival halls are being sprayed with disinfectant twice a week, up from once a week previously, and escalator handrails, elevator buttons and other sensitive surfaces are wiped with disinfectant twice a day. NIGERIA Nigeria’s government says health authorities at points of entry are on alert for cases of coronavirus arriving in Africa’s most populous country. The Nigeria Center for Disease Control asked that travelers from Wuhan report to a medical facility and the center if they feel ill. China is Africa’s top trading partner. South Africa’s National Institute for Communicable Diseases said anyone with a severe respiratory illness should be tested if they have traveled to Wuhan within two weeks or had close physical contact with a coronavirus patient or treatment at a facility where a confirmed case has been reported. There were more than 200,000 Chinese workers in Africa as of the end of 2017, not including numerous informal migrants such as traders and shopkeepers, according to the China Africa Research Initiative at Johns Hopkins University. INDIA India will expand thermal screening of passengers arriving from China, including Hong Kong, to seven airports from the current three. In-flight announcements before arrival will direct passengers with a fever or cough who have traveled to Wuhan in the previous 14 days to declare themselves to health authorities. Thermal screening will begin in Chennai, Bengaluru, Hyderabad and Cochin, and continue in Delhi, Mumbai and Kolkata, the Ministry of Civil Aviation said. SINGAPORE AND MALAYSIA Singapore will expand temperature screening at Changi Airport, one of Asia’s busiest travel hubs, for all travelers on flights arriving from China beginning on Wednesday. The health ministry said individuals with pneumonia and a history of travel to Wuhan within 14 days of the onset of symptoms will be isolated in a hospital as a precautionary measure and investigated. Neighboring Malaysia has also beefed up screening at Kuala Lumpur’s airport. Deputy health Minister Lee Boon Chye said staff are being trained to handle possible cases. “If a case emerges, then we may have to take more drastic measures, but for now, we hope we can nip it at the entry point,” Lee told reporters. BANGLADESH Bangladesh civil aviation authorities have ordered airport managers to start screening incoming passengers from China. A.H.M. Touhid-ul Ahsan, director of the main Shahjalal International Airport, said doctors at the airport would look for fevers, coughs, breathing difficulties and sore throats. The country’s Institute of Epidemiology, Disease Control and Research will be notified of any passengers with symptoms for further examination, he said. AUSTRALIA Brendan Murphy, Australia’s chief medical officer, said biosecurity staff and state health officials in New South Wales are meeting flights from Wuhan and are distributing pamphlets printed in English and Chinese to all passengers. The pamphlets describe symptoms of infection and ask people to identify themselves if they are experiencing any. RUSSIA Russia’s Healthcare Ministry described the virus as a biological hazard, with Deputy Minister Sergei Krayevoy saying the virus was a “striking example” of the biological threats Russia faces. The Russian public health service, Rospotrebnadzor, said it had developed a testing kit that would allow labs to detect the new coronavirus quickly. Russia is one of the three most popular tourist destinations for people from China, according to Russian officials. They estimate that about 2 million tourists from China visited Russia in 2018. ITALY The Italian Health Ministry says passengers making direct and indirect flights from Wuhan, China, to Rome’s Leonardo da Vinci airport will be checked for potential signs of the virus. People with suspected infections will be quarantined at an infectious disease hospital in Rome, the ministry says. No cases have been reported so far. Posters at the airport advise travelers to consider delaying trips to the Wuhan area and if they do go there, to avoid touching animals or uncooked animal products. The Associated Press contributed to this story. Associated Press journalists Moussa Moussa in Canberra, Australia, Kim Hyung-jin in Seoul, South Korea, Cara Anna in Johannesburg, South Africa, Eileen Ng in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Daria Litvinova in Moscow, and Mari Yamaguchi in Tokyo contributed to this report. xxx
  • It is a sad time. I need to have a pity party and go get some of my friends...let's go cry a minute.' That's Carol, one of the many dedicated and loyal customers of Life Grocery, the natural and organic foods and products store in Marietta. Carol's been a customer for 20-plus years. There's also Richard, who's been a customer even longer - since the 1980's. 'This was the original and only health food store where you could get organic groceries. It's very sad.'  On a Monday in the last week of January, the store along Roswell Rd. between the Big Chicken and the 120 Loop was busy. Busier than normal. A good bet that had lots to do with deep discounts at Life Grocery, as the store was closing its doors by the end of January.   'People are coming in, wanting to say goodbye. It's the end of an era,' store general manager Ronnie Hudson tells WSB Radio. It's been emotional for her too. She's been with the co-op business since the mid 90's and admits there will be a void as the doors close for good.  Life Grocery was founded by Life University students when Gerald Ford was president - back in 1976. Hudson says the business was one of the pioneers in the natural, organic food market, 'there weren't options back then...we were the template.' Stores like Life and some other early ones set the stage for what came years later - an explosion in the organic/natural food space, now dominated by major players like Whole Foods, Sprouts, and others. Life Grocery's reasons for closing are many says Hudson. 'The main distributor that we use, Whole Foods is their priority. So sometimes we can't even get our whole orders full.' Not only competition though. Aging equipment has also been an issue, rising costs, and location has played a part Hudson says. Life Grocery sits in an aging strip mall. Whole Foods used to be across the street. But when it left for a better location, Hudson says some of her customers told her, they'd forgotten about Life.  Still, in the store's final hours of existence Monday, longtime customers were stopping in for their last purchases. Hudson was exchanging hugs with many of them. 'The emotions at this point, even from our customers, has been so touching, heartbreaking, heartwarming. It feels good to know that people have appreciated what we have.'