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Opinion Blogs
Parody Opinion: 9 reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump
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Parody Opinion: 9 reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

Parody Opinion: 9 reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

Parody Opinion: 9 reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

A 4-page summary of Special Counsel Robert Muellar’s report on possible Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election was released over the weekend by Attorney General William Barr. The report disappointed many, showing that there was not any collusion between President Trump and Russia. Here’s why we need to keep fighting!

1. WHAT IS COLLUSION ANYWAY?

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

Photo Credit: Tom Pennington/Getty Images

Do we really know what that means?

2. WE NEED MORE INVESTIGATIONS.

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

Photo Credit: Alex Wong/Getty Images

What else does Congress actually do…

3. PEOPLE ARE DYING OUT THERE.

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

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This is a real problem!

4. OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE? DUH!

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

Photo Credit: Alex Wong/Getty Images

We all know what really happened.

5. I CAN’T EVEN...

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

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I haven’t slept in 2 years.

6. TO KEEP THE BLUE WAVE MOVING.

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

Photo Credit: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Can 2020 get here any sooner…

7. HE’S JUST NOT MY PRESIDENT.

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

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I never will agree with him and he’s a liar.

8. JUST BECAUSE...

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

Photo Credit: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

All my friends say that I’m right.

9. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?

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Parody Opinion: 9 Reasons why Democrats should totally keep investigating Trump

Photo Credit: Mario Tama/Getty Images

2020 is so far away…

*We’re having a little fun with this. This is a parody piece and is not intended to be taken seriously.*

Jared Yamamoto is a Doctrinaire and Producer of The Von Haessler Doctrine radio show heard daily from 9-Noon on News 95.5 and AM 750 in Atlanta, Georgia.

Email jared.yamamoto@coxinc.com

Twitter: @jaredyamamoto

Instagram: @jaredyamamoto

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News

  • One of Texas' largest cities is reeling after a tornado swept through north Dallas on Sunday night, officials said. >> Read more trending news  According to KDFW-TV, the twister struck about 9 p.m. CDT near Dallas Love Field Airport, then headed east, damaging homes and businesses while initially knocking out power to more than 100,000 people in the region. As of early Monday, no deaths or serious injuries had been reported, the city of Dallas said in a news release; however, emergency officials told The Associated Press that they received reports of people cut by glass shards. Crews also were trying to determine whether any victims were trapped inside a collapsed structure after seven people safely fled the building, the AP reported.  WFAA-TV reported that the storm destroyed Dallas Stars hockey player Tyler Seguin's mansion. Seguin appeared to confirm the news on Twitter but assured fans that he was OK. 'Thanks to everyone reaching out about the news tonight, I am safe,' he tweeted. 'Luckily this is my house for sale and I have moved into a new one. I just left the area and it is an extremely sad sight to see. Prayers to everyone affected by the tornado.' The storm caused 'significant' damage to six homes in nearby Sachse, as well, the AP reported. Four of those houses are now considered 'uninhabitable,' according to the news agency. Read more here. – The Associated Press contributed to this report.
  • A toddler is dead and two adults are recovering from injuries after gunfire erupted Sunday in Philadelphia's Kensington neighborhood, police said. >> Read more trending news  According to KYW-TV, a shooter armed with an AK-47 rifle fired into a Water Street home about 3:30 p.m., striking a 2-year-old girl, her 24-year-old mother and a 33-year-old male contractor, authorities said. The girl, who suffered a gunshot wound to the head, died at the scene, police said.  Emergency responders rushed the woman, who was struck in the head and back, and the man, who suffered a gunshot wound to the stomach, to a nearby hospital, WCAU-TV reported. They are in stable and critical condition, respectively, authorities said. Investigators believe the shooter intentionally targeted the house, then ran from the scene, the news outlets reported. Police said they have not arrested any suspects in connection with the case. Police also are investigating whether the incident is connected to a shooting that occurred minutes earlier on East Clearfield Street, according to KYW. No injuries were reported, authorities told WCAU. Read more here or here.
  • A Georgia woman has been arrested in connection with the death of a toddler in Donalsonville, authorities said. >> Read more trending news  Paresij Handford, 28, was charged with the death of 2-year-old Zayden Brown, GBI spokeswoman Jamy Steinberg said in a news release. Handford is the girlfriend of Brown’s father.  Brown’s autopsy at the GBI Crime Lab revealed that Brown died from several injuries. His death was then ruled a homicide, Steinberg said.  Handford was arrested after the GBI performed witness interviews and obtained evidence related to the case, the release said. She is charged with one count of felony murder and one count of first-degree child cruelty. Handford was booked in the Seminole County Jail, Steinberg said. The county borders Alabama and Florida, and Donalsonville, the county seat, is about 225 miles southwest of downtown Atlanta. Anyone with information on the case is asked to contact Donalsonville police or the GBI at 229-225-4090.
  • Steelers linebacker Anthony Chickillo was arrested in Fayette County over the weekend. >> Read more trending news  The details surrounding the alleged incident are unclear at this point, but state police confirmed it stemmed from a 'domestic situation' with Chickillo's girlfriend over the weekend. Multiple sources have told Channel 11 the incident happened at Nemacolin Woodlands Resort in Farmington. We have reached out to Nemacolin regarding the incident but have not yet heard back. Chickillo is facing multiple charges, including simple assault, criminal mischief and harassment.  According to court documents, Chickillo was released from jail on a $10,000 bond. State police said Chickillo's girlfriend was cited for harassment as well. The Pittsburgh Steelers issued a statement regarding Chickillo, confirming they were aware of the 'incident' that led to his arrest: 'We are aware of an incident involving Anthony Chickillo last night and are still gathering information. Until we have further details, we will not provide any further comments.' Chickillo's status with Pittsburgh is uncertain moving forward, but he is still listed on the team's roster as of Sunday night.
  • A 500-pound bomb the United States dropped during a bombing raid over Italy during World War II didn’t explode -- until Sunday. >> Read more trending news  The bomb was found near a cathedral in Balzano, not far from a train station, the likely intended target, during construction of a shopping center, the ANSA news agency reported.  About 4,000 people were evacuated while experts spent more than three hours defusing the bomb before it was taken to a controlled site and detonated, online newspaper Neue Suedtiroler Tageszeitung reported. The Associated Press contributed to this report.
  • One Ohio car wash is offering customers a wash, wax and scare during October for Halloween. >> Read more trending news  The Rainforest Car Wash turns into a haunted house Friday and Saturday nights throughout October. 'We’re going to have people in various positions throughout the tunnel peeling soap away, scaring people,” a car wash employee told WEWS. “We’ll have various props and scenes set up.” Similar Halloween-themed haunted car washes have been set up in Alabama and Texas.  “Not only are you locked in your car in a haunted house, but you're going to go home with what we think is the cleanest car in Ohio,” the car wash employee said.