Posted: 6:03 p.m. Friday, March 22, 2013
By Greg Alan Edwards
Well, you knew this was coming. After all that stress and strain in getting the team to "buy in" this season, Coach Cal has gotten them off to a big start for next season by designing individualized workouts for each one. Let me go through them player by player.
Alex Poythress - Alex will be sent to the weight room for 8-10 hours per day. While working out doing high volume curls and bench presses, along with squats and leg presses, Alex will be watching Chuck Norris videos during every workout. Calipari wanted the Norris videos more than the weightlifting, however, combining the two should give Poythress the edge he needs coming back next season to reach down and get tough when he needs it.
Kyle Wiltjer - Kyle will be spending the season running sprints and reading to combined works of General George S. Patton. Patton's defensive strategies are just what the doctor ordered for Wlitjer. Patton's primary defensive strategy was to attack, attack, attack. Kyle will be responsible for memorizing it. Combining the renewed speed and a new approach to defense, should get Kyle back on track. Kyle has been warned to avoid watching anymore spanish or foreign films with any bullfighting scenes.
Archie Goodwin - Archie will be spending his off-season reading Sun Tzu's The Art Of War. Following the tactics of Sun Tzu will help Archie decide when to attack and when not to. He will learn to exploit his opponents weaknesses and score when they least expect it. He will also receive a healthy dose of last season's game films to understand why this is important.
Jarrod Polson - Jarrod will be viewing all the Audie Murphy movies that Cal can find. Nuff Said.
Ryan Harrow - Ryan will be spending the summer training with the military at Fort Knox. He will be enrolled in the Army training course which will train his voice to command his troops. He will then be enrolled in Ranger school to learn what to do when they do not follow his lead.
Willie Cauley-Stein - Willie will be spending the summer training with Anthony Davis, Nerlens Noel, and Shaquille O'Neal. Shaq will be teaching inside the paint tricks and tactics, as well as how to get big and fast in a hurry. He will not, however, be allowed to teach free throw shooting.
All players will be enrolled in the Kyle Macy Free Throw Shooting Academy running from May 1st to September 1st.
All players will be required to attend screenings of Seabiscuit, Secretariat, and Hidalgo. This is thoroughbred training. It is now a required course for all incoming freshmen basketball players.
A complete list can now be found somewhere on the CoachCal.com website, although I am not sure where. Trust me, it's there.