Posted: 2:00 p.m. Wednesday, Sept. 18, 2013
There's no sugar-coating it, friends: The non-SEC games in Week 4 play out like a rejected Saw movie. There's really only one game in the top 25 that has the potential to be competitive (Stanford is still a full touchdown favorite at home against Arizona State), so let's take bets on what will be the biggest blowout of the week instead.
Although it hit a little speed bump against Kentucky, the Louisville offense is going to be among the nation's elite all season. All-World quarterback Teddy Bridgewater has plenty of weapons, including a bevy of talented running backs to spice up the offensive gameplan. On the defensive side of the ball, the 'Ville is only giving up nine points a game so far, good for fourth in the nation. Florida International is 0-3 and is ranked 125th in points scored. The defense has had a little more luck, however, coming in at 116th in points allowed. Both of those rankings may get worse, if that's possible.
Notable FIU Alumnus: Andy Garcia, the nemesis of George Clooney in all 18 of those casino-robbery movies.
Behind the stellar play of freshman Jameis Winston, the Seminoles are fifth in the nation in points scored, averaging almost 52 per game so far. On the other side of the ball, they are eighth nationally in points allowed, only giving up 10 per contest. At least the Wildcats get to go back to their campus on Daytona Beach when this beating is over.
Notable Bethune-Cookman Alumnus: Lucille O'Neal, the woman who pushed Shaq through her birth canal.
Buckeye quarterback Braxton Miller is probable for this weekend, and for some reason, OSU is actually considering letting him play against the Rattlers of FAMU. They've lost two in a row to Tennessee State and Samford, so I'm sure this will be the tune-up Braxton Miller needs to prepare for the rest of Ohio State's laughably weak schedule. Did you realize that Florida A&M; is in Tallahassee? It's a wonder the Rattlers didn't land Jameis Winston.
Notable FAMU Alumnus: Andre Dawson, Baseball Hall of Famer, "The Hawk"
"Da U" seems to be on the rise again, led by a stingy defense and an opportunistic offense. Savannah State? Well ... this team has fallen on some rough times. Troy dismantled the Tigers to the tune of 66-3 just a week after Georgia Southern eked out a 77-9 victory. Whatever Miami is paying them to come be their sacrificial lamb, it's not enough.
Notable Savannah State Alumnus: Shannon Sharpe, Former NFL superstar, current blithering halftime show idiot
Hey girl, you like blowouts? Then why don't you blow out the candles on this cake I made for you. I know it's not your birthday, but you deserve it, girl. Let the Kingsbury pamper you. I may lead my Red Raiders offense to a big number on Saturday, but it's all a waste of time if I can't score one more time when I get home to you, boo. Guns up.
Notable Texas State Alumnus:Bill Paxton, actor, veteran of two "Spy Kids" films
Vote below to tell us who YOU think will receive the worst beating this weekend, and don't forget to check back on Friday to see the previews of all the SEC games this weekend.